BoonMcNougat
24-03-2008, 08:00 PM
I have been waiting to see these movies for a long, loooong time. I may or may not have reviewed the other Grindhouse flick, Death Proof. Anyway, if you wanna see it, rent it, and then skip the first half, because Death Proof's first half is more boring than speaking to your nanna about whats wrong with kids nowadays.
http://www.worstpreviews.com/images/posters/grindhouse/grindhouse2_large.gif
Cherry Darling, more kickass than pure testosterone.
Planet Terror is an EXTREMELY deceiving title. The true title should be "Texas BBQ", because the main character in the film is JT, the owner of a road-side service station, who serves barbequed meat with delicious barbeque sauce. However, his brother, some sheriff, keeps raising the rent on the place, because he wants the recipe for the sauce. That naughty sheriff! However, our main man JT doesn't fold, he puts his head to it and gets down to work, in hoping that he can create such a succulent BBQ sauce that he will be featured on the Food Channel, so that he would receive more customers, and make more money.
He also has a dog, named Rusty, but it gets run over so don't worry about it.
While working at what I like to call "The Man Sauce Emporium", JT had just made a breakthrough in BBQ Sauce technology. The military stop at the MSE, and eat JT's sausage. They soon depart, but after a short while, they get hunger cravings, for that salty, rich, dark texan flavour. A scientist (portrayed by the actor who plays Sayid on Lost) has a cunning idea. What if they make real man sauce? He begins cutting off the testicles of people and stores them in a special jar. However, Bruce Willis comes by, with terrible acne, and he requires the scientists help, so Sayid has to delay his plan.
http://img329.imageshack.us/img329/2021/grindhousejtdg8.jpg
JT, the self-titled "BBQ Meister"
Meanwhile, stories of JT’s extraordinary sauce have spread far and wide. A stripper by the name of Cherry decides to quit her job and venture out for the sauce. Her employee says the famous lines "It’s go-go, not cry-cry". It was famous because she was doing a go-go dance and she cried. As she quits, she realises she didn't have a vehicle. So, she instinctively walks in the middle of the road. While walking a vehicle full of other military men, who are on the quest for JT's sauce almost hit her, and she dives into some trash. The silly girl gets glass embedded in her leg.
At the Block's house, Dr Block and his wife Dakota, obviously have issues. She's a vegetarian, and she has no desire to taste the magic sauce, while Dr Block (whom is male by the way) is quite the meat lover. They decide to go to work, while Dakota calls up some Mexicans to take care of their child, because it’s cheaper and the director though it would be lolz to have Mexicans trying to speak English. He was right.
The Block's go to work. They work at a hospital. Mrs Block is an [s:916ff235c7]anna[/s:916ff235c7] [s:916ff235c7]annies[/s:916ff235c7] [s:916ff235c7]enys[/s:916ff235c7] one of those people that administers medicine that knock people out. Dr Block is some doctor who walks around looking at patients. And pictures of mutilated genitals with his friends. His trademark is the glass tube he keeps in his mouth, to measure his stress level. While looking at a patients dark, red, salty wound, his mind wanders and he breaks the glass tube with his teeth. His mind wasn't on the job anymore. It was on JT's sauce. He confronts his wife, and tells her he knows of her lesbian lover. He then stabs her hands with Mr. yellow (an injection, not a real person as you would believe) and her hands go numb. She jumps out of a window and tries to open a car door with her floppy hands.
http://a69.g.akamai.net/n/69/10688/v1/img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/rsz/434/x/x/x/medias/nmedia/18/64/19/33/18787932.jpg
'Sup Dawgs
Back at JT's, a rogue maverick with a leather jacket decides to enter the store, to see what the fuss is all about. He goes inside, drinks coffee (as JT dips his cup in BBQ sauce, like manly men do) and then sits next to Cherry. They drive off into the night, and talk about roadkill. As he's driving, Cherry mentions that she'd like to return to JT's, as she remembered she didn't finish the thick sausage that JT carefully slid into her buttered up buns. While the rogue maverick's mind wanders, he forgets he’s driving and crashes. "Damn you and your secret sauce JT!" he yells. Cherry's leg gets eaten by zombies and he rescues her.
While at the hospital, it is revealed that the military stuffed up big time. They used the testicle sauce in the ground, and it inseminated the dead, bringing them back to life. They confronted the military, and were about to gobble them up, when they received a taste of JT's sauce on Sayid's shirt. They demand to get the sauce, and will not rest in peace until they do so! So JT, Mrs Block and her kid, Cherry and the rogue, some police men and babysitters and other guys end up at JT's.
http://a69.g.akamai.net/n/69/10688/v1/img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/rsz/434/x/x/x/medias/nmedia/18/64/19/33/18759179.jpg
Previously on LOST
Then the movie gets intense, as the zombies and JT's crew fight over the Bar-Be-Que Sauce that is so delicious it's addictive. I'd tell you that its actually melted crack and maple syrup,, but that may or may not ruin the movie for you.
Anyway, that’s my review, go watch Planet Terror, it’s well worth it.
http://www.worstpreviews.com/images/posters/grindhouse/grindhouse2_large.gif
Cherry Darling, more kickass than pure testosterone.
Planet Terror is an EXTREMELY deceiving title. The true title should be "Texas BBQ", because the main character in the film is JT, the owner of a road-side service station, who serves barbequed meat with delicious barbeque sauce. However, his brother, some sheriff, keeps raising the rent on the place, because he wants the recipe for the sauce. That naughty sheriff! However, our main man JT doesn't fold, he puts his head to it and gets down to work, in hoping that he can create such a succulent BBQ sauce that he will be featured on the Food Channel, so that he would receive more customers, and make more money.
He also has a dog, named Rusty, but it gets run over so don't worry about it.
While working at what I like to call "The Man Sauce Emporium", JT had just made a breakthrough in BBQ Sauce technology. The military stop at the MSE, and eat JT's sausage. They soon depart, but after a short while, they get hunger cravings, for that salty, rich, dark texan flavour. A scientist (portrayed by the actor who plays Sayid on Lost) has a cunning idea. What if they make real man sauce? He begins cutting off the testicles of people and stores them in a special jar. However, Bruce Willis comes by, with terrible acne, and he requires the scientists help, so Sayid has to delay his plan.
http://img329.imageshack.us/img329/2021/grindhousejtdg8.jpg
JT, the self-titled "BBQ Meister"
Meanwhile, stories of JT’s extraordinary sauce have spread far and wide. A stripper by the name of Cherry decides to quit her job and venture out for the sauce. Her employee says the famous lines "It’s go-go, not cry-cry". It was famous because she was doing a go-go dance and she cried. As she quits, she realises she didn't have a vehicle. So, she instinctively walks in the middle of the road. While walking a vehicle full of other military men, who are on the quest for JT's sauce almost hit her, and she dives into some trash. The silly girl gets glass embedded in her leg.
At the Block's house, Dr Block and his wife Dakota, obviously have issues. She's a vegetarian, and she has no desire to taste the magic sauce, while Dr Block (whom is male by the way) is quite the meat lover. They decide to go to work, while Dakota calls up some Mexicans to take care of their child, because it’s cheaper and the director though it would be lolz to have Mexicans trying to speak English. He was right.
The Block's go to work. They work at a hospital. Mrs Block is an [s:916ff235c7]anna[/s:916ff235c7] [s:916ff235c7]annies[/s:916ff235c7] [s:916ff235c7]enys[/s:916ff235c7] one of those people that administers medicine that knock people out. Dr Block is some doctor who walks around looking at patients. And pictures of mutilated genitals with his friends. His trademark is the glass tube he keeps in his mouth, to measure his stress level. While looking at a patients dark, red, salty wound, his mind wanders and he breaks the glass tube with his teeth. His mind wasn't on the job anymore. It was on JT's sauce. He confronts his wife, and tells her he knows of her lesbian lover. He then stabs her hands with Mr. yellow (an injection, not a real person as you would believe) and her hands go numb. She jumps out of a window and tries to open a car door with her floppy hands.
http://a69.g.akamai.net/n/69/10688/v1/img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/rsz/434/x/x/x/medias/nmedia/18/64/19/33/18787932.jpg
'Sup Dawgs
Back at JT's, a rogue maverick with a leather jacket decides to enter the store, to see what the fuss is all about. He goes inside, drinks coffee (as JT dips his cup in BBQ sauce, like manly men do) and then sits next to Cherry. They drive off into the night, and talk about roadkill. As he's driving, Cherry mentions that she'd like to return to JT's, as she remembered she didn't finish the thick sausage that JT carefully slid into her buttered up buns. While the rogue maverick's mind wanders, he forgets he’s driving and crashes. "Damn you and your secret sauce JT!" he yells. Cherry's leg gets eaten by zombies and he rescues her.
While at the hospital, it is revealed that the military stuffed up big time. They used the testicle sauce in the ground, and it inseminated the dead, bringing them back to life. They confronted the military, and were about to gobble them up, when they received a taste of JT's sauce on Sayid's shirt. They demand to get the sauce, and will not rest in peace until they do so! So JT, Mrs Block and her kid, Cherry and the rogue, some police men and babysitters and other guys end up at JT's.
http://a69.g.akamai.net/n/69/10688/v1/img5.allocine.fr/acmedia/rsz/434/x/x/x/medias/nmedia/18/64/19/33/18759179.jpg
Previously on LOST
Then the movie gets intense, as the zombies and JT's crew fight over the Bar-Be-Que Sauce that is so delicious it's addictive. I'd tell you that its actually melted crack and maple syrup,, but that may or may not ruin the movie for you.
Anyway, that’s my review, go watch Planet Terror, it’s well worth it.