Baby and Me

System: Wii
Developer: Sonic Powered
Publisher: Pub Company
Genre: Not quite sure
Players: 1

My virtual baby appears to have serious problems – there's always a stupid look on its face, and his mouth is like that of a duck's. I guess everyone was right when they frowned during my antics at the lake that day.

Late last year - in a desperate attempt to find 'news' one night - I stumbled upon a retailer listing for the special edition of Baby and Me. What would have been just another forgettable baby-raising simulator was suddenly propelled into the land of amazement. Bundled with the game was an actual baby doll, complete with a holster so you could strap the Wii Remote to it. True innovation!

The news spread like wildfire, and so, in my infinite stupidity, I present to you the internet's only first-look at Baby and Me. Never have I felt so uncomfortable at the checkout.


I was surprised to see Sonic Powered's logo on the title screen. It looks like the Japanese developer behind obscure titles such as Air Traffic Chaos and From the Abyss has finally hit the big time. Cringing for a bit, I pressed forward, where a baby was randomly generated for me. It was made by a bunch of flowers swirling around the screen, just like real life. Amusingly, there was the option to essentially throw it in a dumpster and generate a different, potentially better baby. But I just went with the first one. Little...


After this, the game instantly skips ahead by seven months, where I can only assume the baby had to survive by itself in The Running Man. So now Stinkface is seven months old, and apparently I only have 150 days to raise him. Why? Does his warranty run out after that? No idea; maybe we'll find out in the full review (as I've only spent four in-game days with the little shit so far).

The game is split up into 'care mode' and 'play mode'. Only a few activities were available at the start, but you can fill in each day by choosing whatever. I guess you could go through the entire 150 day process without ever touching the care mode. “My baby is dead, but let's play! Pattycake, pattycake, baker's man. Bake me a cake as fast as you can; maybe I can stuff its corpse in there”. I think that's how it went.

So yes, I'll just run you through some of what I've been able to access so far. First up was feeding. Shake the Nunchuk to crush up vegetables and glass into a bottle, then motion the Wii Remote as if you're shoving a spoonful of the mush into its mouth. Incredible stuff. Stinkface made a stupid face during the entire process whilst gurgling and filling the room with foul odors.


Next up I had to apply a bit of baby powder, as I didn't want Stinkface getting a rash on his liver. Again, more shaking of the Nunchuk. As I kept going (ignoring the flashing orders to 'stop'), Stinkface's mouth suddenly flew open and kept expanding like a universe-destroying black hole.


Oooh, watch out, fun time! I blew some balloons up for Stinkface by shaking the Wii Remote, which amused him to no end. For some reason each balloon would just vanish after a few seconds. It's going to keep me up at night. Now the day was over, and Stinkface was tired. Off to bed with you, gassy.

This part finally made use of the doll! I was instructed to rock it back and forth, making sure to reach two 'goal' markers on-screen. Rock left, hit the goal, rock right, hit the goal, that sort of thing. So naturally I just flung the doll around the place like a madman. The Balance Board was also supported here, but I don't want to get too confused. These bizarre little burping noises were coming out of the Wii Remote's speaker, while my TV speakers were playing a crying sound effect, which was quickly followed by laughter. Oh no, this baby is possessed.

Each of these activities earns money, which can be spent on new clothes, toys and the room itself. I earned enough to buy Stinkface a pair of sunglasses, now he's ultra cool, just like his dad. I don't know who that is though.

So there you go, a quick look at just a few things Baby and Me has to offer. I'm hoping to put together a video review, which will likely be a complete disaster. Because really, that's the best kind of disaster.


Preview by Lance McGill (Infernal Monkey)