Aussie Nintendo - Australia's Best Nintendo Coverage

It's a bit like Uncharted 2D, but I pause,

It's probably more similar to Lego Star Wars.­


A character lineup, Tintin's whole cast,

The dude with the pimp cane, I cannot go past!

With long-range attacks, he can pump levers and switches

Don't muck with this guy, he makes platforms his bitches.

Puzzle-based co-op, to sure make you think,

But I was too distracted by the venue's nerd-stink.

I couldn't think straight, I sucked at the game,

The Ubisoft PR guy very happy to explain.


He was impatient and gruff, his biceps all ripped,

His veins looking angry as he gave me some lip.

"Public Relations", how could this be?

He even denied there was a version for Wii!

His arms firmly folded, his demeanor intense,

Blue eyes became steely, the air growing dense.

He's in there all day, stuck doing his bit,

"Can only take so much of this questioning shit!"


What got him up this morning, what is his case?

Was he recently dumped; thrown out of his place?

Did he want to be a vet, a pilot, own a saloon?

Perform at kids' parties with a sausage balloon:

"You want a giraffe kid? How 'bout a kite?

It'll fly you far away from this party of shite

Your parents never loved you, Santa's a fake,

Believe me, I'm doing this for your own sake.

Life's a blank canvas, but no room for crap,

So what am I putting ****ing animals on your lap?"


"Life's full of bait and I followed the red herring,

I was never ambitious, I was never all that daring.

So you should be like Tintin and earn some dosh,

Don't be like my sister, at a topless car wash."


I departed from Tintin, bemused and weak,

My palms all sweaty and pimp-cane on my cheek.