Bonsai Barber

System: WiiWare
Developer: Zoonami
Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Simulation
Players: 1-4
Points: 1,000

For what it is, Zoonami's Bonsai Barber has taken an awfully long time to hit the PAL WiiWare service - some five months since its American launch. This is probably thanks to Nintendo themselves publishing the title. Oh sorry, I've been swept up by the chatty/bitchy world of cutting hair, or rather, branches. So, up to anything today? How about that weather, eh? Eh?

Bonsai Barber takes place in a town populated by talking fruit and vegetables, so basically, the real world. The local barber has 'retired', leaving you to fill his shoes (after dumping the corpse) and take care of all his clients. Snip, snip. The game is designed to be played casually, as five customers will show up each day. It's not exactly the most exciting idea for a game, but Zoonami's sprayed these crops with a fair bit of personality, and watching a carrot squirm in discomfort as its branches are lopped off can be strangely relaxing.

You'll get to know the likes of a cactus cowboy, a catnip plant that meows, some sort of gassy... turnip thing, and so many more. The gameplay itself is very laid-back, and learning the tools of the trade is simple. Customers will request a hairstyle, and away you go. There are 30 to be unlocked with each passing day, from basic designs such as cutting the outline of a square to the 'traffic light' look, which involves a lot of precision, paint and tears.


Once your victim has been strapped to the murder chair, a glowing outline will be your guide. Pressing any direction on the D-pad brings up your selection of tools, including scissors, clippers, a comb and spray bottle. Everything is controlled by pointing the Wii Remote; often requiring a steady hand. Matching the required design isn't exactly a piece of (carrot) cake. You'll need to be careful, as cutting the wrong branch can bring down an entire cluster. The spray bottle will help grow back branches and leaves if disaster should strike.

Or, you could just be an arse and let them walk out looking like a complete disaster, it's quite satisfying! Wait, walk? They don't even have legs. How did they get into the barber shop in the first place? Why... no, no! Customers will rate your work out of five as you cut, so once the both of you are happy with the result, bring up the menu and bang the gong. Yeah. There's a gong. What? Every barber shop has one. Sometimes they'll give you a present as their way of saying thanks, like a picture of a pot. Wow, wonderful, thanks for showing me that, corn face.

That's about it, really. Eventually your clients will ask to set up appointments for a certain day and time (a bit like organising when one of the Animal Crossing creeps can come look around your house). If you happen to forget, you'll hear about it! Bonsai Barber makes charming use of the Wii's message board – you'll receive all sorts of mail from the in-game characters. Once a client told me he wanted a certain haircut because he was about to go on holidays, and I got a virtual postcard from him 'overseas' the next day.


While Bonsai Barber is limited to around fifteen minutes of play time each day, it won't be long before you've seen all it has to offer. Despite the appealing style (seriously, screenshots don't do this game justice), amusing characters and easygoing gameplay, there's just not enough to keep it interesting in the long run. 1,000 Points ends up feeling a bit too pricey.


Score: 5.5/10
Zoonami and Nintendo have somehow made a barber simulation fun, but the novelty soon wears very thin. Still, if you're looking for something completely different to unwind with, it could be worth a shot.

Review by Lance McGill (Infernal Monkey)