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System: 3DS
Developer: Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo
Genre: Racing/Party
Players: 1-8

'Mario Kart Syndrome' is a popular term used within gaming circles to describe whenever devices are implemented to overpower trailing racers in turning the tables on a race or "cheat" their way to the front. Blue shells, power stars and lightning bolts would classify as some of the more extreme examples of this. Understandably it allows players of all skill types to be on a more level playing field but it clearly compensates skill and driving manoeuvrability in the process. And if Super Mario Kart suffered a common cold version of the "syndrome", Mario Kart Wii would've been in the ICU with chronic pneumonia.

So it's much to the relief that not only does Mario Kart 7 contain the most manageable version of its self-debuted 'disease' but features arguably the tightest and most creative track design of any Mario Kart. Quite simply, when it comes to core racing component, Kart 7 is series pinnacle. And want to know why? Partly because Mario Kart 7 completes the transformation where karts are no longer competing on racing tracks but on theme park rides, scenic attractions and resort tours.

Such a design transition has been seeping in ever since Mario Kart: Double Dash but Mario Kart finally has transcended its pebble roads and bitumen for something more extravagant and crowd pleasing.  Koopa City is Toad's Turnpike mixed with Disney's Tomorrow Land attraction, Wario's Galleon is the Mario universe set in Pirates of the Caribbean and you race on pianos for crying out loud, how much more proof do you need!?

And while good old fashioned concrete and bitumen hasn't been eschewed entirely, I've never seen so much visual variety or as many engaging backdrops in any other MK. Just one gander at the retro tribute 'Piranha Plant Highway' or 'Rainbow Road's' planetary tour is enough for me to hit the brakes and just drink in the visuals around me. It always goes down smooth!

Since a key ingredient of success to theme park rides is never outstaying their temporal brevity, most laps can be completed in under a minute; and the tracks that are longer usually only consist of one lap! But that's to the games credit because it means you're enjoying quicker outcomes to races, making it a better fit for portable play and online matches, and also means any given racer - AI or Human Pro - won't annihilate opponents by embarrassing margins...or at the very least, less capable racers won't feel as futile for as long.

Coins make a welcomed comeback by, once again, being littered on the track for anyone's picking and add a layer of much needed mastery to the GP modes. CPU opponents aren't particularly skilled or terribly troublesome in 150cc but retaining ten coins and arriving 1st in every race for that perfect run is going to be more than tough. So do coins increase your speed like in Super Mario Kart? I honestly couldn't tell you because there's no timer or speedometer in this game - more proof that you're driving on attraction rides, not racing tracks. But if you're anything like me, you'll miss the thrill of witnessing how many seconds (or milliseconds) you came within first, second or eighth place.

Retro stages are another high point of Mario Kart 7 and really spotlight the underwater and hang glider gimmicks as great additions, adding new shortcuts, new areas and new surprises to a rock solid base of fantastic track design. I also love the improved soundtrack of the retro courses, retaining all the MIDI love and then adding subtle instrumental updates to the piece. It's a fantastic way of preserving nostalgia yet improving upon it for a modern audience. So then, why the hell isn't there a sound test?

Unfortunately, this is where I extrapolate on my own personal 'Mario Kart Syndrome' because there seems to be a proverbial disease where every successive Mario Kart seems to stagnate or regress in at least one single aspect or mode that a predecessor nailed. For me, Mario Kart 64 didn't really add anything to the roster or modes offered by SMK, Double Dash's battle maps and soundtrack didn't stack up compared to M64's, Super Circuit's tracks weren't as visually interesting, MKDS made drifting too easy and exploitable and the Wii game....well, the Wii version makes the card game 'Snap!' look strategic.

Mario Kart 7 continues to this rich tradition through its Battle mode. Kept warm from the Wii's foul offering, Kart 7 retains a point system 'Balloon Battle' where losing all three balloons means guaranteed resurrection and punishment simply equates to a lost point or two. This fortifies a strategy of being constantly offensive, releasing as many items as you can in a time limit and caring less about the stock of your balloons. One of the original draws of Battle mode was the knack of survival, having these pacifist periods of avoiding opponents, hunt an item box and formulate a strategy that would grant the grand satisfaction of knocking someone out for the round. Yet that's somewhat lost when you essentially have 'deathmatch' with unlimited lives here. There is simply more offensive and defensive dynamics at play when survival is at stake instead of points.

The 'Coin Battle' mode almost makes up for this however, as it invites more of these aforementioned tactics of offensive and defensive. The objective is simple: pick up and retain as many coins as you can by the end of the time limit. It's very much possible to win if you're a total pacifist or play hellishly aggressive so it's more open to differing playstyles. Most of the courses are built laterally and in wide, open spaces and almost feel like they were built with this mode in mind. Oh and speaking of battle courses, no one from Nintendo got the memo that small enclosed spaces with towering walls aren't a good suit for chaos, karts and projectiles. I'm looking at you, Honeycomb Hive!

I understand online experiences vary from person to person but on the whole I've had mixed enjoyment from the online modes. There appears to be an insanely broad net for matchmaking as I was often paired with opponents with more than double my VR points (which are points you acquire when you don't come last in online races) - and you already start with 1000 VR points! You could work around this by creating or joining 'communities', setting up private friendly matches to avoid encountering certain pros, snakers, hackers, paedophiles and the FBI's most wanted.

In addition, joining friends in their matches is incredibly easy and adding people you've raced with as friends is relatively smooth, so you could invite losers who'll never touch you. It's just a shame that when it comes to facing just strangers, the gap between feeling competitive and totally outclassed is too wide; although I'm optimistic that could stabilise as more people buy the game and as more players become acquainted with the tracks.

If the main attraction for you are the grand prix cups and you're fortunate to have multiple friends with 3DSes, then Mario Kart 7 is your system's killer app. All you need is an active and balanced 'community' to join for the online madness and you're set for hours on end. But otherwise, this is a barebones Mario Kart that gets by with just enough content and saves on some of the bells and whistles. If you were expecting to save replays of your epic races (let alone share them with friends), take part in single player modes like 'Versus' or 'Missions' (like in MKDS), select from an extravagant roster or enjoy the luxuries of speedometers and timers you may be disappointed. But then you'd also be forgetting there's a track where you make music by racing on its instruments.

Score: 8/10
While this is where I'm supposed to sum up Mario Kart 7 in a few words, I have to let the public know about the most important discovery from this game. When you factor in how every track is advertised as an attraction or resort - combined with appearances of hang gliders, tropical oceans and Wuhu Island - I can only conclude that Mario Kart 7 is subliminal advertising for a secret, upcoming theme park and resort. It all gives new meaning to the Iwata laugh. But much like Mario Kart itself, it's useless trying to fight. You will succumb. Now come give Mario a hug.

By Richard Worsley (Kabal)